Sexual Fantasies

Erotic fantasy, a means to
In relation to sexuality, fantasy, play and eroticism in general, serve as substitutes for the same desire and sexual practice, it is impossible to have sex, desire or fall in love every five minutes or whenever you feel like. Also as we entrench resources as sexual beings, provided that the fantasy does not occur in a moral context repressor, in which case rather exercise the role of other potential relief of the individual.

Obviously, this individual, erotic fantasy serves to 'catch up' to help get excited, alone or in pairs. And when there is no partner 'by hand', serves to mentally rehearse potential experiences that later, following a real sexual encounter may thus successfully lived more and more self-confidence / a. Physiologically are a powerful resource for feedback between mind and brain, sometimes resulting product of this hormonal discharges, sometimes picking up external stimuli, re-creating and pouring the brain to elicit such hormones. This is transmitted to the individual the feeling that it is time for sex, even for complacency, and it is the most often accompanied by erotic fantasies-about 90% of adolescents of both sexes have erotic fantasies during this practice.

Better without any moral pressure.
When frequently, balanced, uninhibited and unhindered or repression alternating these mechanisms are at the level of brain-thought-hormones, the person will have the potential to be recognized as a sexual being. On the surface, this is reflected in both men and women, during their everyday daily activities, they can fantasize about many times while doing all sorts of activities, especially as more routine work, drive, talk on the phone, showering, walk ... even having sex with a partner. But when the brain is not prepared or trained for it, any erotic stimulus, even implemented in the same genitals will not feel sexual pleasure.

Morality, values ​​education and received, should also allow the flow of these messages-hormonal brain-mind, not see this as something subversive, a danger of dissolution of its norms, values ​​and customs, as has happened in the past and continues still occurring in many parts. In advanced societies this has evolved over the last century, especially if we focus on women. Until recent decades, and still today, many women were not recognized at all as sexual beings and sexual, with full capacity for the erotic gaze and motivation due to social conditioning. This led them to confuse or redirect their sexual fantasies and romantic fantasies, and in fact makes only 30 or 40 years, when asked, many of them did not recognize their own erotic fantasies as such. The men and society generally believed that women had no sexual thoughts or need them, much less perverse nature or twisted. Fortunately, they now have so many thoughts, desires or sexual fantasies as men. And not only is assuming they are completely normal, but are healthy as they can enhance or make more satisfying his own experience, sensory and affective sexual experience.

How fantasizes our libido.
que_fantaseamos.jpg What determines this or that issue in a sexual fantasy? Definitely the most weight in their development experiences or feelings are collected from an early age, even before puberty and, depending on their strength, hence the fantasies that arise can become recurrent throughout the life of person. Second is the influence of everyday aconteciminentos and interpersonal relationships, including those details that a conscious seem to have neglected. Generally we can not change what frustrates us and excites us sexually, once a theme or motive "print" on our minds as sexual or erotic reappear many times thereafter. While the rational mind dominates the waking state, both the state of dream or fantasize as sleep itself recover from the unconscious that has earned it the details of everyday life full of symbolism and incorporate them into their preparations. The unconscious mind does when it is expressed mainly in the realm of the symbolic / emotional.

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Erogenous Zones

Question of touch.
Enough has been said that the brain is the primary erogenous zone of the body. Metaphorically is indisputable, and means that both biochemical and mental, and especially the brain near the spinal cord, where they process all the stimuli and pleasurable sensations associated with sex, mixing with the coming of the intellect. It also means that without proper psychic predisposition, psychological, environmental, relational, without adequate confidence, desire and quality and where it comes from the stimulus, plus the confluence of that comes from other senses, any sexual contact will not produce intended excitement.

We are also body, plus brain / mind. Involving both sex and all the senses. As in the physical and emotional level, and the other senses, touch the world of the human body becomes a kind of land along which erotic experience. And first, the auto-erotic because, as outlined by Sigmund Freud in the late nineteenth century, is a fundamental means of self-awareness and relationship with the environment and with others. Some may object that this is always dependent erogeneity of the desire of others, but the thread of psychoanalytic statements, perhaps you can ensure that the human body is inherently erogenous, and with the emotions and mentality, is the subjectivity of each individual. Since the skin, the exposed layer of the body, has an area of ​​about 18,000 cm2 and includes about a million and a half of sensory receptors, can therefore say that the skin surface is the largest sensory organ in the body. In response to messages sent to the brain these receptors nervous, try to sketch a map of this vast territory.

• Generally speaking, usually refers to the erogenous zones as all body parts, especially the outer-skin and mucous membranes, especially able to provide erotic pleasure or sexual when stimulated with this purpose.

• Speaking in particular the importance of each of these areas of the body's sexual response does not match for everyone. For some, it sticks mainly to the genital area and a few more. For others, virtually the whole body is an area open to experienced as erogenous. In addition, we are all conditioned by a kind of record that our brain / body stores of those areas in childhood or past, made us feel particularly well, or were never kissed or stimulated, of which we can find avoiding repetition or unconsciously.

To do exist. Evolutionary design.
Obviously they are there to be stimulated and, as we have said, try to erotic stimulation, which probably will lead to a sexual intercourse. Which, in turn, can lead to reproduction. But this is perhaps too simple biological scheme. Just as we have hands to pick up not only food, but to play the piano, knitting, driving, etc.., Skin does more than serve as a protective shell and sweating. It makes little sense to say that this is something random, when there are indications that the same evolution has highlighted attributes and erotic sexual functions in humans, beyond the target player, clearly and significantly compared with other primates. Not only this quality of skin and mucous membranes, but its appearance and low hairiness, the volume of breasts and buttocks in women, long hair and striking in the woman, the ability to want to have sex at any time of year - no specific-heat cycles, or the size and attractiveness of the male genitalia are examples.

The same design or biological evolution, probably, has focused on the potential of living throughout the body as erogenous, especially its outer layer or skin, provided with plenty of receivers and transmitters nerve sensations to the brain. You can think therefore that we all have such potential and, perhaps, not entirely developed by repressive cultural and psychological conditioning.

Increasingly sexuality studies conclude that the whole evolutionary enhancement erogenous and sexuality, confirms the possibility that human sexuality has been evolutionarily oriented not only toward reproduction, but also to a recreational component, or perhaps as we see in our relatives bonobo chimpanzees, to a connecting element, appeasement and reconciliation between individuals of the same group.

The technique is not everything.
Knowing about the most important of these areas as well as the most appropriate way of stimulating, or at least, clearly inadequate, both in oneself and the other person or the other sex, is important for a successful life intercourse. It is often defined as an art, and he compared the human body with an instrument you have to learn to play. But it should not be taken as merely a technical issue. Being too focused on the technical, can ruin any sexual experience, which is always good to be governed by spontaneity and creativity. Obviously do not try to stimulate all areas simultaneously, which is impossible. Rather than obsess about these issues, it is best to observe the other person's reactions to stimuli that are dedicated, take note of the signals we send, ask them to verbalize where appropriate, and go correcting and innovating on the fly, and eventually be creating one, or rather several dream sequences of areas to stimulate. If each person is different, so is every body.

In the Western call or modern societies, a kind of stands out on other bodies, is stereotyped and involves some ways unfortunately too narrow and exclusive sense and feel the other person, which penetrate into the realm of the sexual , impoverishing. Even the sexual desire itself becomes mediated by this. In the media and propaganda in this consumer culture, exalts body models with specific parameters of dimensions, shapes and sizes, as well as some concrete ways to interact and exchange pleasant stimuli with these ideal bodies. This idealization leads to continuous near-total loss of bodily knowledge, both their own and other people-in all their diversity, lack the contemplation of real nudity in the other, and why not say it, the real vision of others erotic and sexually, all of which was at one time a major source of body knowledge and demystification of sexuality. A serious consequence of this impoverishment is to underestimate their own ability to feel sexual desire or cause, which is one of the key points that define us as human beings, we feel uncomfortable in front of privacy, and we often become neurotic individuals, obsessive, impulsive, withdrawn or awkward.

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Frigidity: the suffering, or you suffer?

The concept of frigidity, which applies to women, is fortunately more and more into disuse. Because clearly has pejorative connotations. But still used.

In some textbooks it says that now is referred to as' Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder or TDS, and is considered a sexual dysfunction, but this is not entirely accurate.

It says there are similarities with disorders such as dyspareunia-painful intercourse-anorgasmia, inability to obtain orgasm, or anaphrodisia-absence of sexual desire-which adds to the confusion over the meaning of the concept of frigidity. But in fact what happens is that the concept of frigidity that is going unused. The way that came to apply, means the absence of any capacity, arousal or sensation of pleasure in sex, often even to try masturbation. This disorder exists, but only very rare but can affect equally to women and men. Now associated more with the lack of pleasure, but it is clear that we must stop using it not to grow more this confusion.

From all this 'semantic movement' reveal a conclusion. There are many concepts applied to alleged sexual disorders in women, and perhaps too many. Let's stay far with this 'too many', because it is a track that leads to vision sexist, patriarchal and dominant over women that has been exercised for decades by the 'collective' men, including of course health professionals, Science and medicine.

Fortunately science is advancing more or less objective criteria, and we now know that many of these conditions applied to women are not as well defined as intended, and that psychology, education and culture have influenced the enough weight to have to reposition them.

Nor should we have studied logic to understand that without prior desire, however unconscious or fantasy, it is doubtful that there is sexual pleasure. So the existence of the alleged anaphrodisia disorders, anorgasmia, dyspareunia and even blurred frigidity is too conditioned to the presence or absence of desire, and need therefore, as I said, be overridden or recombined in a more sober and objective .

Pending this redefinition, I think it is dangerous to use numbers or statistics in studies of such disorders, or enter distinguish whether they are primary or secondary, or if they are organic or behavior, because all they will do is prolong the belief exist as such, which, also in my opinion, is questionable today.

Sexual desire, then, or whether their presence or decrease, could be the real key factor to explain and simplify the alleged excessive sexual disorders in women. Especially considering something very different nature of the male female psychosexual, as is a need to erotic stimuli, sensory, environmental, and emotional mood more than men, which can often suffice with a simple physical stimulation focused on the genitals. This increased 'complexity' of female sexuality has been seen before by men as a problem, and has fallen into the temptation of pathologizing.

The conventional wisdom a few years ago that created a phrase to illustrate this paradigm shift, "women are not frigid, but inexperienced men." Well, to be more objective, I would add "and women with sex education, physical and sensory inadequate." And also many women have their share of responsibility, to consciously choose to follow the patriarchal model and adopting male psychosexual roles liabilities in exchange for material security is likely, or the promise of such security-for themselves and their children. In a more concrete level, eg, is common following behavior: since the female sex drive needs a wider variety of stimuli in man, it is easy in the course of cohabitation or marriage decline, and because this many women choose to endure, with little desire or arousal, the requirement or need for sex from male partners, reaching want or encourage him to finish to complete intercourse soon as possible.

If a man also be pressured to excite or accused of alleged problems such as frigidity, this can inhibit even there the low sexual desire that is left to him. This example is unfortunately still very common, does not speak well of the intelligence and sensitivity mean men, but neither of average intelligence and self-esteem of women. Unfortunately too, speaks of the survival of the stupid need to fight for power in the couple, something that keeps us humans evolutionarily still too close to some of our 'relatives' primates.

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Losing Virginity

What does that still today call 'losing your virginity'? Some, fortunately, more and more different from what it was long ago. Fortunately, increasingly an instrument and symbol of the victimization of women and the absolute submission of this man. Unfortunately, in many parts of the planet or even our own country or city, we have not eradicated all these primitive beliefs, sexist, patriarchal, superstitious or simply unjust social control. In Arab countries, in areas of Japan, parts of China, between ethnic groups or tribes in Africa, for example, female virginity is still valued, and proven in a sexist, morbid and absurd.

For these reasons, but also others such as misinformation, the swagger, the myths and lack of trust that involves sexuality, even encouraged by parents of teens, loss of virginity is an issue that has been closely linked to fear, and today it remains, even in Western cultures.

FACTS

And just missing data, both past and today. Some examples: in both Victorian England and in parts of Africa today, we find the belief that STDs can be cured by having sex with a virgin, this superstition is a significant factor that further contributes to the spread of the vast epidemic of AIDS in Africa.

This reflects a similar type of superstition in other cultures to see the virgin girl as a being with potential to cause much good, yet to cause great harm. A bit like with white or black cats, there is no unanimity on whether to bring good or bad luck, but they seem to have 'a mystery'. So in some cultures in charge of deflowering a virgin not the husband, but pe a priest, or a stranger or foreigner, in Egypt until the husband recently paid another man to perform this task, or the mother of the bride.

In some countries, mainly Muslims, have become fashionable interventions to 'remake' of the hymen membrane, making the man believe that the woman is a virgin. This is paradoxically a positive side: in these countries, the rate of women killed by their partners or even their own family, thinking that they were virgins, has decreased significantly.

Since ancient times, many cultures were expected to parents or relatives of the bride who ensured that this was a virgin. Otherwise, they were made to pay a fine, or worse, came to be regarded as a huge disgrace.

FEAR

What you are afraid today about virginity, in the West? Adolescent boys, that their friends know that have not yet lost. A 'not measuring up' or not knowing how to behave, or how the couple met, or the feelings that appear unexpectedly, when you really start touching them in sex.

The girls also suffer from this kind of competition with her friends, but also for fear of being too 'passionate' and be qualified with it, of 'light' or unreliable by men and society.

All this is behind its determinants: the boys in their conversations, they are only interested in the 'mechanical' and all measurable or quantifiable sex girls, in contrast, much emotional conditions, in the sense that even unconsciously, want to fit the stereotype of a sensitive woman, loving good mother and potential for their children. Both, both boys and girls, I greatly influences the powerful influence of raging hormones, the very special and powerful believe makes them immune from mishaps such as pregnancy or infection. But the hypocritical silence in the adult environment-parents, teachers and rulers to the reality of adolescent sexuality.

Fear, insecurity, hypocrisy or blindness in adults, parents and guardians, all or some of all this results in recent years an alarming increase in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases in adolescents. The figures not only lower, but in most Western countries, where studies are more reliable, are increasing every year.

THE HYPOCRITES OR RESPONSIBLE ADULT?

Shortly after the first spontaneous orgasm, or menarche, their bodies suddenly are physiologically ready to have sex, but adults always have doubts that their minds are as well, and never know well how to reconcile both.

However, we have come to know very clearly that deny their sexuality, or deny access to minimal information about their bodies, the bodies of others, and the dynamics and meaning of sex, it carries more that suffering and unpleasant consequences, sometimes disastrous, such as pregnancy, which can ruin the life of a teenage girl, apart perhaps for ever one that would have allowed future be as a person. And when it does not, we may be raising young people who later suffer from some form of psychic repression, or neurosis, which leads to other problems at the social, occupational, or as part of new families more forward form: in fact, seems to increase the cases of individuals 'limit' or antisocial behavior, increases self-centeredness, egotism and selfishness, and experts say it also increases the so-called psychopaths among us.

Does it seem absurd to anyone associated with these evils to a bad start in the sex? I think we should not take a joke the claim leading experts in psychology and sexuality, in the sense that the manner and the person with whom a 'lost virginity' contributing to the rest of life, not only in itself sexual life, but also the values ​​that underpin the overall relationship with the opposite sex.

We continue to wonder if 'our boys and girls' are psychologically prepared for a mature and healthy sex. The answer, at least in the West, it seems increasingly less so, and we are not wrong: teens 'mental' is extended later and later, we can easily check looking around. But who is responsible? Everyone, parents, educators and leaders. A society centered on the surface, the appearance in the festive, playful as in the use and possession as the supreme values, necessarily produce highly immature beings to ever more advanced ages.

How to reconcile the two?

There seems to be still no clear answer to this question.

TIPS FOR TEENS

- If you are a woman, very important: do not ever leave the guy pushing for, especially if you say something like "or we do it or I'll leave." If it shows so little regard to your own ability to decide, that guy is not for you.
- Do not deny or hide your own inexperience. Always say openly that 'a virgin'. Lying on this will take you directly to the failure always.
- Do not deny or hide your own feelings. It will help you better interact with the person in front of you, which probably appreciate your emotional honesty. It will help you learn more with that person, but above all to know yourself better, how to react to different situations and new.
- In connection with this, especially if you're a girl, do not confuse a feeling like falling in love with the pure excitement. This error is made often, so if possible try to observe yourself in these matters, and do not be fooled. Fantasizing too romantic love can be dangerous and lead you to 'deepen' too with someone then you realize you really wanted or what, neither knew, nor so confident.
- Do not deny either your own body and its sometimes bizarre ways of reacting to new situations or to the body of another person that attracts you.
- Talking about the body, is a great advantage having explored a bit, before embarking on a sexual relationship with another person. Masturbation, eg, is perfectly normal, nothing harmful that can teach you something about the proper ways to get excitement or, on the contrary, an excitement rushed, nervous and inadequate.
- Pass on the wrong messages, or contrasting sufuciente, you come around you, like your friends or some media. Therefore, first and foremost, do not rush. Always preferred before the game and the exploration of bodies intercourse: this is not the 'end in itself' and, on the other hand, know that on average this is not the way that women get more satisfying orgasms. Many of the distorted messages of your environment just mystify and distort everything related to intercourse, and lied a lot, personally, about satisfaction, pleasure or experience held by this practice.
- You're not Superman or Superwoman. You are not so special or superhuman to save you an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. If you want to be mature about things, like being able to have sex, so are shows that to protect yourself from these catastrophic consequences. Use at least condoms or, better yet, go to your family planning clinic for advice on contraception, and perhaps start using one. And he understands that sexual intercourse will be a change in your relationship as friends and as you can be prepared psychologically and emotionally.
- If you're a girl, know that not always bleed at first intercourse, especially if it is still very excited, acting it out gently, if the hymen is not too hard or thick, and even better if you take a stand you control the angle and force the introduction of the member. With regard to the hymen, it may have already torn, either spontaneously or by using tampons, or by practicing a sport, if your partner has a mind too 'classical', it is important to understand these points. You should also know that in this first intercourse, usually the sensations of nervousness capped at leisure, so that 'first time' is usually not often feel particularly enjoyable, in strictly sexual or genital. Do not do it if you're not at least very aroused and well lubricated. Incidentally, if the guy is also a virgin, is likely to 'end' soon, just enter you: nothing happens, Pass on trust and relaxation, probably will be 'ready' after a short and less nervous.

TIPS FOR PARENTS / EDUCATORS

- Our children / young learners are fully formed people, in enough ways to move around the world. Needs to be addressed. They begin in a way to 'independence', parents and life.
- Do not try to control or direct them too much on what, by the force majeure of biology, may not have the right to control everything. We too have been young, and perhaps have forgotten that it is a time of exploration, self-affirmation, often by way of rebellion and-answer, splendor of sensitivity and a certain intelligence, often obsessive, but intelligence finally. There is a need to communicate with others, group identification with another person also full of hormones and sensitivity, which requires an intimacy, searched sometimes desperately, and unfortunately also in a 'clandestine'.
- Therefore, it is a smart approach to ban and suppress endeavor: it is likely that this will generate later repressed adults and perhaps reprimidores. Yes, it is to teach and educate, or at least try to understand. Certainly a degree of 'repression' is always needed, both at school and in the family, but it should reflect, eg, about those parents, understanding the biological inevitability of these forces so powerful, they establish a certain complicity with their children and allow them to have sex with your partner in your room. This is much more in Central and Northern Europe, and it is possible that, after all, constitute an intelligent and balanced as not to lose a certain 'control' by the parents, to a rebellious impulses and to sometimes too contentious. The son / daughter will probably endeavor to make your partner pleasing to parents because they find it easier to give some lessons 'last minute' on prevention, both contraceptive and emotional.

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Detecting deafness: the sooner the better

By Maria del Mar Granados López

Deafness is one of those losses to the naked eye can not detect. Its diagnosis is not easy, especially in the first years of life because they are the parents along with professionals, who have to discover that the baby something happens out of the ordinary and what exactly he has. The problem in these cases is that time is working against, and the sooner it is detected before the hearing is to be able to stimulate communication between the baby, her parents and the rest of the family, so its development will be less committed.

It is true that when a baby comes home, parents have to adapt to a new rhythm of life, have to meet the new family member to meet their needs. The chest to demand regular changing diapers or bathing absorb most of the time of those parents that at no time raised their son or daughter has been born deaf.

It is usually around 2 or 3 years when definitive diagnosis is achieved, but there are a number of clues that can help parents to bring their offspring to a specialist and this determines whether or not a problem.

Early signs

In a newborn child is very difficult to know if you hear or not. We can say that if the baby is very quiet and not disturbed, startled or awakened by loud noises that occur in their environment, parents must remain vigilant. Another warning signs in children under 6 months the baby would not be reassured to hear the voice of his mother or any family member to maintain frequent contact or unwilling to smile when spoken to this. If the baby turns his head and looks around the person speaking, or emit guttural sounds to attract attention, is also a sign of suspicion.

As the child grows is easier to detect the problem. After 6 months, hearing children begin to imitate the adult and make sounds. The deaf child does not babble or is oriented toward sounds. Not include the meaning of "goodbye" or "no" unless these words are accompanied by a gestural sign. Between 12 and 18 months, not "Dad" or "mama", does not name common objects or says something when he is appointed. In these cases, consult a specialist. True, it may not try to deafness or other condition as each baby has its own pace of development, but yet with a simple test you can discover whether or not a bigger problem and to act in time.

The baby gets older

It would be concerned that a child from 18 months did not pay attention to the stories tailored to their age, although they lend it to your drawings especially if they are colorful and bright. Please identify your name or two-word phrases do not understand simple orders not accompanied by gestures, parents are another warning sign.

A from 3 years the signs would be obvious if you do not understand the words that you say or repeat phrases or answer when asked about simple things. From age 4, the deaf child can not tell what's wrong or is able to hold a simple conversation.

The exception in the rule
Although there are tricks to detect hearing loss, sometimes it is necessary to be guided by intuition, because they fail. It is possible that deaf children do respond to "auditory stimulus" without knowing that there is a sound, because this propagates through space and the small waves are perceived by other places other than hearing, the chest area the body on which rests, head, etc..

There are other times when there is hearing loss affects only specific sounds. It is likely that children have more trouble hearing in some environments than others-for example listening at home but not in the park or with specific people, listening to dad but not his grandmother.

They also often play a deaf child to make more noise, not bothered by the noise produced or need more amount of noise to the ear perceives something that only obeying orders when he is looking at who gives them and that about it falling phrases like "only serves what he wants and when he wants." In addition, these children often play alone and are in particular difficulty with pronunciation of certain sounds-R, S, D, L, J and T-.

© Maria del Mar Granados Lopez.

© Crianza Natural S.L. www.crianzanatural.com. If you want to reproduce the article, ask permission.

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Sex after cancer

Columbus, Ohio. "Sex after cancer? Do not count on it. It is happening to thousands of couples. For the doctors and their patients do not like talking about it. It is a painful phenomenon, and although researchers can understand what happens, are just beginning to acquire the ability to predict who-and who does not-have a successful adjustment to sex after treatment.

"The sexual adjustment after cancer treatment is a serious problem for many, many couples," said Dr. Barbara Andersen, a psychologist and a member of the Center for Global Cancer Treatment Ohio State (The Ohio State University Comprehensive Cancer Center).

Andersen has been studying cancer and its impact on sexual activity for more than 20 years, said that studies have shown that between 30 and 50 per cent of women with gynecologic cancers face serious malfunctions in your sex life after treatment. Cancer treatment depends on the characteristics of the disease at diagnosis, but can often include surgery, radiation and chemotherapy-difficult procedures under any circumstances, but when surgery is even more disturbing parts of the body that reflect social imperatives that underlie perception of self-esteem of the person and their feelings about their own sexuality, Andersen said.

Surgery to treat gynecologic cancers may be extensive. Some patients require the removal of all pelvic organs, others face procedures that shorten or reduce vaginal lubrication and making it difficult relationships, and chemotherapy often affects the functions of the ovaries, stealing a woman's ability to bear children. "These are extreme measures, and although they may save the life of a woman, also have a dramatic impact on quality of life after made," said Kristen Carpenter, a candidate for the PhD degree working with Andersen.

Andersen and Carpenter are trying to determine which women will have more difficulty than others to adapt to sex after cancer treatment. What "is emerging is that the degree of happiness that someone enjoys your partner seems to be an important protective factor against the hardships of cancer therapy," said Carpenter.

More information about the studies and their results at www.osu.edu.

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