What does that still today call 'losing your virginity'? Some, fortunately, more and more different from what it was long ago. Fortunately, increasingly an instrument and symbol of the victimization of women and the absolute submission of this man. Unfortunately, in many parts of the planet or even our own country or city, we have not eradicated all these primitive beliefs, sexist, patriarchal, superstitious or simply unjust social control. In Arab countries, in areas of Japan, parts of China, between ethnic groups or tribes in Africa, for example, female virginity is still valued, and proven in a sexist, morbid and absurd.
For these reasons, but also others such as misinformation, the swagger, the myths and lack of trust that involves sexuality, even encouraged by parents of teens, loss of virginity is an issue that has been closely linked to fear, and today it remains, even in Western cultures.
FACTS
And just missing data, both past and today. Some examples: in both Victorian England and in parts of Africa today, we find the belief that STDs can be cured by having sex with a virgin, this superstition is a significant factor that further contributes to the spread of the vast epidemic of AIDS in Africa.
This reflects a similar type of superstition in other cultures to see the virgin girl as a being with potential to cause much good, yet to cause great harm. A bit like with white or black cats, there is no unanimity on whether to bring good or bad luck, but they seem to have 'a mystery'. So in some cultures in charge of deflowering a virgin not the husband, but pe a priest, or a stranger or foreigner, in Egypt until the husband recently paid another man to perform this task, or the mother of the bride.
In some countries, mainly Muslims, have become fashionable interventions to 'remake' of the hymen membrane, making the man believe that the woman is a virgin. This is paradoxically a positive side: in these countries, the rate of women killed by their partners or even their own family, thinking that they were virgins, has decreased significantly.
Since ancient times, many cultures were expected to parents or relatives of the bride who ensured that this was a virgin. Otherwise, they were made to pay a fine, or worse, came to be regarded as a huge disgrace.
FEAR
What you are afraid today about virginity, in the West? Adolescent boys, that their friends know that have not yet lost. A 'not measuring up' or not knowing how to behave, or how the couple met, or the feelings that appear unexpectedly, when you really start touching them in sex.
The girls also suffer from this kind of competition with her friends, but also for fear of being too 'passionate' and be qualified with it, of 'light' or unreliable by men and society.
All this is behind its determinants: the boys in their conversations, they are only interested in the 'mechanical' and all measurable or quantifiable sex girls, in contrast, much emotional conditions, in the sense that even unconsciously, want to fit the stereotype of a sensitive woman, loving good mother and potential for their children. Both, both boys and girls, I greatly influences the powerful influence of raging hormones, the very special and powerful believe makes them immune from mishaps such as pregnancy or infection. But the hypocritical silence in the adult environment-parents, teachers and rulers to the reality of adolescent sexuality.
Fear, insecurity, hypocrisy or blindness in adults, parents and guardians, all or some of all this results in recent years an alarming increase in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases in adolescents. The figures not only lower, but in most Western countries, where studies are more reliable, are increasing every year.
THE HYPOCRITES OR RESPONSIBLE ADULT?
Shortly after the first spontaneous orgasm, or menarche, their bodies suddenly are physiologically ready to have sex, but adults always have doubts that their minds are as well, and never know well how to reconcile both.
However, we have come to know very clearly that deny their sexuality, or deny access to minimal information about their bodies, the bodies of others, and the dynamics and meaning of sex, it carries more that suffering and unpleasant consequences, sometimes disastrous, such as pregnancy, which can ruin the life of a teenage girl, apart perhaps for ever one that would have allowed future be as a person. And when it does not, we may be raising young people who later suffer from some form of psychic repression, or neurosis, which leads to other problems at the social, occupational, or as part of new families more forward form: in fact, seems to increase the cases of individuals 'limit' or antisocial behavior, increases self-centeredness, egotism and selfishness, and experts say it also increases the so-called psychopaths among us.
Does it seem absurd to anyone associated with these evils to a bad start in the sex? I think we should not take a joke the claim leading experts in psychology and sexuality, in the sense that the manner and the person with whom a 'lost virginity' contributing to the rest of life, not only in itself sexual life, but also the values that underpin the overall relationship with the opposite sex.
We continue to wonder if 'our boys and girls' are psychologically prepared for a mature and healthy sex. The answer, at least in the West, it seems increasingly less so, and we are not wrong: teens 'mental' is extended later and later, we can easily check looking around. But who is responsible? Everyone, parents, educators and leaders. A society centered on the surface, the appearance in the festive, playful as in the use and possession as the supreme values, necessarily produce highly immature beings to ever more advanced ages.
How to reconcile the two?
There seems to be still no clear answer to this question.
TIPS FOR TEENS
- If you are a woman, very important: do not ever leave the guy pushing for, especially if you say something like "or we do it or I'll leave." If it shows so little regard to your own ability to decide, that guy is not for you.
- Do not deny or hide your own inexperience. Always say openly that 'a virgin'. Lying on this will take you directly to the failure always.
- Do not deny or hide your own feelings. It will help you better interact with the person in front of you, which probably appreciate your emotional honesty. It will help you learn more with that person, but above all to know yourself better, how to react to different situations and new.
- In connection with this, especially if you're a girl, do not confuse a feeling like falling in love with the pure excitement. This error is made often, so if possible try to observe yourself in these matters, and do not be fooled. Fantasizing too romantic love can be dangerous and lead you to 'deepen' too with someone then you realize you really wanted or what, neither knew, nor so confident.
- Do not deny either your own body and its sometimes bizarre ways of reacting to new situations or to the body of another person that attracts you.
- Talking about the body, is a great advantage having explored a bit, before embarking on a sexual relationship with another person. Masturbation, eg, is perfectly normal, nothing harmful that can teach you something about the proper ways to get excitement or, on the contrary, an excitement rushed, nervous and inadequate.
- Pass on the wrong messages, or contrasting sufuciente, you come around you, like your friends or some media. Therefore, first and foremost, do not rush. Always preferred before the game and the exploration of bodies intercourse: this is not the 'end in itself' and, on the other hand, know that on average this is not the way that women get more satisfying orgasms. Many of the distorted messages of your environment just mystify and distort everything related to intercourse, and lied a lot, personally, about satisfaction, pleasure or experience held by this practice.
- You're not Superman or Superwoman. You are not so special or superhuman to save you an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. If you want to be mature about things, like being able to have sex, so are shows that to protect yourself from these catastrophic consequences. Use at least condoms or, better yet, go to your family planning clinic for advice on contraception, and perhaps start using one. And he understands that sexual intercourse will be a change in your relationship as friends and as you can be prepared psychologically and emotionally.
- If you're a girl, know that not always bleed at first intercourse, especially if it is still very excited, acting it out gently, if the hymen is not too hard or thick, and even better if you take a stand you control the angle and force the introduction of the member. With regard to the hymen, it may have already torn, either spontaneously or by using tampons, or by practicing a sport, if your partner has a mind too 'classical', it is important to understand these points. You should also know that in this first intercourse, usually the sensations of nervousness capped at leisure, so that 'first time' is usually not often feel particularly enjoyable, in strictly sexual or genital. Do not do it if you're not at least very aroused and well lubricated. Incidentally, if the guy is also a virgin, is likely to 'end' soon, just enter you: nothing happens, Pass on trust and relaxation, probably will be 'ready' after a short and less nervous.
TIPS FOR PARENTS / EDUCATORS
- Our children / young learners are fully formed people, in enough ways to move around the world. Needs to be addressed. They begin in a way to 'independence', parents and life.
- Do not try to control or direct them too much on what, by the force majeure of biology, may not have the right to control everything. We too have been young, and perhaps have forgotten that it is a time of exploration, self-affirmation, often by way of rebellion and-answer, splendor of sensitivity and a certain intelligence, often obsessive, but intelligence finally. There is a need to communicate with others, group identification with another person also full of hormones and sensitivity, which requires an intimacy, searched sometimes desperately, and unfortunately also in a 'clandestine'.
- Therefore, it is a smart approach to ban and suppress endeavor: it is likely that this will generate later repressed adults and perhaps reprimidores. Yes, it is to teach and educate, or at least try to understand. Certainly a degree of 'repression' is always needed, both at school and in the family, but it should reflect, eg, about those parents, understanding the biological inevitability of these forces so powerful, they establish a certain complicity with their children and allow them to have sex with your partner in your room. This is much more in Central and Northern Europe, and it is possible that, after all, constitute an intelligent and balanced as not to lose a certain 'control' by the parents, to a rebellious impulses and to sometimes too contentious. The son / daughter will probably endeavor to make your partner pleasing to parents because they find it easier to give some lessons 'last minute' on prevention, both contraceptive and emotional.
For these reasons, but also others such as misinformation, the swagger, the myths and lack of trust that involves sexuality, even encouraged by parents of teens, loss of virginity is an issue that has been closely linked to fear, and today it remains, even in Western cultures.
FACTS
And just missing data, both past and today. Some examples: in both Victorian England and in parts of Africa today, we find the belief that STDs can be cured by having sex with a virgin, this superstition is a significant factor that further contributes to the spread of the vast epidemic of AIDS in Africa.
This reflects a similar type of superstition in other cultures to see the virgin girl as a being with potential to cause much good, yet to cause great harm. A bit like with white or black cats, there is no unanimity on whether to bring good or bad luck, but they seem to have 'a mystery'. So in some cultures in charge of deflowering a virgin not the husband, but pe a priest, or a stranger or foreigner, in Egypt until the husband recently paid another man to perform this task, or the mother of the bride.
In some countries, mainly Muslims, have become fashionable interventions to 'remake' of the hymen membrane, making the man believe that the woman is a virgin. This is paradoxically a positive side: in these countries, the rate of women killed by their partners or even their own family, thinking that they were virgins, has decreased significantly.
Since ancient times, many cultures were expected to parents or relatives of the bride who ensured that this was a virgin. Otherwise, they were made to pay a fine, or worse, came to be regarded as a huge disgrace.
FEAR
What you are afraid today about virginity, in the West? Adolescent boys, that their friends know that have not yet lost. A 'not measuring up' or not knowing how to behave, or how the couple met, or the feelings that appear unexpectedly, when you really start touching them in sex.
The girls also suffer from this kind of competition with her friends, but also for fear of being too 'passionate' and be qualified with it, of 'light' or unreliable by men and society.
All this is behind its determinants: the boys in their conversations, they are only interested in the 'mechanical' and all measurable or quantifiable sex girls, in contrast, much emotional conditions, in the sense that even unconsciously, want to fit the stereotype of a sensitive woman, loving good mother and potential for their children. Both, both boys and girls, I greatly influences the powerful influence of raging hormones, the very special and powerful believe makes them immune from mishaps such as pregnancy or infection. But the hypocritical silence in the adult environment-parents, teachers and rulers to the reality of adolescent sexuality.
Fear, insecurity, hypocrisy or blindness in adults, parents and guardians, all or some of all this results in recent years an alarming increase in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases in adolescents. The figures not only lower, but in most Western countries, where studies are more reliable, are increasing every year.
THE HYPOCRITES OR RESPONSIBLE ADULT?
Shortly after the first spontaneous orgasm, or menarche, their bodies suddenly are physiologically ready to have sex, but adults always have doubts that their minds are as well, and never know well how to reconcile both.
However, we have come to know very clearly that deny their sexuality, or deny access to minimal information about their bodies, the bodies of others, and the dynamics and meaning of sex, it carries more that suffering and unpleasant consequences, sometimes disastrous, such as pregnancy, which can ruin the life of a teenage girl, apart perhaps for ever one that would have allowed future be as a person. And when it does not, we may be raising young people who later suffer from some form of psychic repression, or neurosis, which leads to other problems at the social, occupational, or as part of new families more forward form: in fact, seems to increase the cases of individuals 'limit' or antisocial behavior, increases self-centeredness, egotism and selfishness, and experts say it also increases the so-called psychopaths among us.
Does it seem absurd to anyone associated with these evils to a bad start in the sex? I think we should not take a joke the claim leading experts in psychology and sexuality, in the sense that the manner and the person with whom a 'lost virginity' contributing to the rest of life, not only in itself sexual life, but also the values that underpin the overall relationship with the opposite sex.
We continue to wonder if 'our boys and girls' are psychologically prepared for a mature and healthy sex. The answer, at least in the West, it seems increasingly less so, and we are not wrong: teens 'mental' is extended later and later, we can easily check looking around. But who is responsible? Everyone, parents, educators and leaders. A society centered on the surface, the appearance in the festive, playful as in the use and possession as the supreme values, necessarily produce highly immature beings to ever more advanced ages.
How to reconcile the two?
There seems to be still no clear answer to this question.
TIPS FOR TEENS
- If you are a woman, very important: do not ever leave the guy pushing for, especially if you say something like "or we do it or I'll leave." If it shows so little regard to your own ability to decide, that guy is not for you.
- Do not deny or hide your own inexperience. Always say openly that 'a virgin'. Lying on this will take you directly to the failure always.
- Do not deny or hide your own feelings. It will help you better interact with the person in front of you, which probably appreciate your emotional honesty. It will help you learn more with that person, but above all to know yourself better, how to react to different situations and new.
- In connection with this, especially if you're a girl, do not confuse a feeling like falling in love with the pure excitement. This error is made often, so if possible try to observe yourself in these matters, and do not be fooled. Fantasizing too romantic love can be dangerous and lead you to 'deepen' too with someone then you realize you really wanted or what, neither knew, nor so confident.
- Do not deny either your own body and its sometimes bizarre ways of reacting to new situations or to the body of another person that attracts you.
- Talking about the body, is a great advantage having explored a bit, before embarking on a sexual relationship with another person. Masturbation, eg, is perfectly normal, nothing harmful that can teach you something about the proper ways to get excitement or, on the contrary, an excitement rushed, nervous and inadequate.
- Pass on the wrong messages, or contrasting sufuciente, you come around you, like your friends or some media. Therefore, first and foremost, do not rush. Always preferred before the game and the exploration of bodies intercourse: this is not the 'end in itself' and, on the other hand, know that on average this is not the way that women get more satisfying orgasms. Many of the distorted messages of your environment just mystify and distort everything related to intercourse, and lied a lot, personally, about satisfaction, pleasure or experience held by this practice.
- You're not Superman or Superwoman. You are not so special or superhuman to save you an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted infection. If you want to be mature about things, like being able to have sex, so are shows that to protect yourself from these catastrophic consequences. Use at least condoms or, better yet, go to your family planning clinic for advice on contraception, and perhaps start using one. And he understands that sexual intercourse will be a change in your relationship as friends and as you can be prepared psychologically and emotionally.
- If you're a girl, know that not always bleed at first intercourse, especially if it is still very excited, acting it out gently, if the hymen is not too hard or thick, and even better if you take a stand you control the angle and force the introduction of the member. With regard to the hymen, it may have already torn, either spontaneously or by using tampons, or by practicing a sport, if your partner has a mind too 'classical', it is important to understand these points. You should also know that in this first intercourse, usually the sensations of nervousness capped at leisure, so that 'first time' is usually not often feel particularly enjoyable, in strictly sexual or genital. Do not do it if you're not at least very aroused and well lubricated. Incidentally, if the guy is also a virgin, is likely to 'end' soon, just enter you: nothing happens, Pass on trust and relaxation, probably will be 'ready' after a short and less nervous.
TIPS FOR PARENTS / EDUCATORS
- Our children / young learners are fully formed people, in enough ways to move around the world. Needs to be addressed. They begin in a way to 'independence', parents and life.
- Do not try to control or direct them too much on what, by the force majeure of biology, may not have the right to control everything. We too have been young, and perhaps have forgotten that it is a time of exploration, self-affirmation, often by way of rebellion and-answer, splendor of sensitivity and a certain intelligence, often obsessive, but intelligence finally. There is a need to communicate with others, group identification with another person also full of hormones and sensitivity, which requires an intimacy, searched sometimes desperately, and unfortunately also in a 'clandestine'.
- Therefore, it is a smart approach to ban and suppress endeavor: it is likely that this will generate later repressed adults and perhaps reprimidores. Yes, it is to teach and educate, or at least try to understand. Certainly a degree of 'repression' is always needed, both at school and in the family, but it should reflect, eg, about those parents, understanding the biological inevitability of these forces so powerful, they establish a certain complicity with their children and allow them to have sex with your partner in your room. This is much more in Central and Northern Europe, and it is possible that, after all, constitute an intelligent and balanced as not to lose a certain 'control' by the parents, to a rebellious impulses and to sometimes too contentious. The son / daughter will probably endeavor to make your partner pleasing to parents because they find it easier to give some lessons 'last minute' on prevention, both contraceptive and emotional.
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